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I popped In from Twitter, the tweet spoke to me. Then I saw the title and I instantly knew exactly what you were talking about. The scene, the move, the rats. As I read this it’s like you’re writing for me but it’s my dad with the movies. I’m not entirely clued into the exact situation with your mother but I know for me there’s been no more destructive forced in my world then mine. My breasts came in and at 4th grade I was a full C cup. Worse still I had a male teacher who talked to my chest for the next 3 years I was in elementary school. That same year I went to a gym with my friend for the first time. I’m clueless, a child. I went to dance class, gymnastics and ice skating, that was my world so I show up in a leotard. Give me a small break because it was the 80’s but I didn’t have tights or stretch pants. We get out of the car and my friend’s dad gives me a up and down look over and focusing on my chroch, points and says “you know you’re supposed to shave that off, body hair makes girls look dirty”. I look down and a few tiny pubic hairs are peeking out. He was over 40 and I was 9 or 10? Mortified, I don’t think I have ever been more embarrassed to that moment. We went in and I went into the bathroom and ripped them out. It hurt and I cried. I called my dad and he came and picked me up. That night I shaved everything off. Every body hair, arms, pits, legs, pubes, everything. I had to swipe one of mom’s razors to do it. She got mad I got in trouble until I told her what happened. His wife got a call, and I’m sure he got in trouble. To this day I have trouble letting my body hair just be. He wasn’t the first man to cause damage, he wasn’t the last he was just many in a list of men who point or push, touch, or punch. They mold us, and sometimes I’m just play dough.

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Once again, speaking directly to my heart. The fear of trying to be my best in case I should fail runs deep within me to this day. Luckily, I have newsletters from amazing women to help remind me that I am not alone.

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When I was younger, I watched The Blue Lagoon when my parents were asleep. I also watched Fame on HBO so many times! I loved to see people performing! I was too scared to watch horror films. :)

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I often think about what it means that Pretty Woman was my favorite movie as a kid. I used to dress up like Vivian at, like, age 6! I didn’t fully grasp her occupation or what that movie was about but looking back it makes me sad for that little girl.

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Can’t say I have a lot of memories of movies as a child, but I know happy family type movies were my family’s preferences (Home Alone type movies). I do so relate to what you said about the common details of your life making other people squirm though. One of the scariest things for me is telling a story and seeing people face shift to pity or grave concern. It’s almost as though people think this look is helping when it’s actually making it worse. I swear their eyes are like, “that’s really bad. You know that’s really terrible, right?” Anyway… thank you for sharing portions of your life with us. It means a lot.

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The Blue Lagoon (a “naughty” one)

Welcome Home Roxy Carmichael

Trading Places

Planes Trains and Automobiles lol

And DEFINITELY the Joy Luck Club

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